Friday, April 3, 2009

Hard

I'm feeling a little hard in my spirit these days.
If that makes any sense at all?

I feel disconnected from church...which is my doing.
Worship I love, I always have...there are moments when I'm completely overcome with emotion. But then the lights comes on and I start thinking about anything but the message.

Then the next week I for some reason find myself making excuses on Sunday morning as to why I don't want to go?
And sadly the excuses have been winning.
My husband doesn't say anything...but I know he can tell that my efforts have been distant.
I blame it on being sick, which I am, but that shouldn't be cause for denying God his time of worship.

I guess, I'm sharing this with you because I feel convicted and need accountability.
I don't usually express private parts of myself on this blog, I try to focus it on my love for my family and keep all the other stuff out...but today my thoughts are overruling me.

Last year was such a strong spiritual time in my life.
After our mission trip I felt closer to God then I ever had in my entire life.

I felt changed.
I began to look at life the way God had intended.
I felt Him in every decision I made.
I felt like if you looked at me, you could see His light.

Now...I feel empty.

Have you been through this before? What did you do?

thanks friend.

5 comments:

The Marshmans said...

It's rough...been there. What I have to do is realize that what I feel is not real. In fact our emotions are fallen. There is a place for them but they must always be laid against the truth and power of the word. When I am feeling disconnected I have to fight those emotions/thoughts with scripture. Go through your bible and memorize some verses that pertain to you feeling distant. Write them down around your house, put them up in places your eyes will see them often, and just mediate on them. Pray also. I will look through some verses in the next few days and send some your way! Hang in there girl! I'll be praying for you!

The Marshmans said...

sorry for all the comments :)
Psalm 139 for starters!!!
Listen to this sermon. Don't read it, listen to it
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2009/3483/ (here's the web address)

It rocked my world completely!
And I am reading a book right now called,
The pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges. I feel like I am hearing the Gospel for the first time in my life and it is spurring me in some amazing ways!

Sorry if I've bombarded you hahah!! Just love ya girl!
Rachel

Amanda said...

I think many of us have been there. Making time one on one with Him daily is the hardest for me, but I think makes a huge difference. For me, I got involved in a study group and I love those people. We hold eachother accountable and stay on top of eachother. Another thing that keeps me in check is just being involved on Sunday morning. I now run the nurseries. It helps me make church a priority because I know people are counting on me to be there. This may sound wierd, but when I start to feel weak and unenthusiastic, I think of his mercy and grace and all he has rescued me from and it makes me feel like I owe it to him to be faithful.

Life with Demetri said...
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Life with Demetri said...
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