Monday, February 1, 2010


We met with friends for dinner Friday night.

And although the Mexican food was pretty darn amazing, the conversation is what has been with me since that night.

The topic started about what it is to be fully devoted to Christ.

Kyle and I really need to step it up in the faith department.
God is really pulling on us to be more personally involved with our church family.

My problem (and is what we talked about) is this:

(Here goes my dose of honesty…don’t judge)

• I am extremely insecure. So insecure in fact that when I am surrounded by church going Christian folks…my insecurity radar is off the charts….I don’t speak Christian. Which means I feel like I’m never Christian enough for them… sick I know?

• And getting personally involved with real live people at church means I am accountable to them. And that’s a lot of pressure, but makes no sense.

Ultimately and the most brilliant thing is, it’s not about other people. It’s about God. The words I speak, as long as they are done so in love and in truth…how could I falter?

And being accountable to other people is a hurdle I know I have to overcome, but if I miss a day at church it’s me that is missing out on an opportunity to be a part of something beautiful, something pure.

After some serious words and a few boxes of Girl Scout Cookies later, I was beat.
But in a good way.

I needed to be beat.


JLYoungsma said...

I don't speak Christian either. Or recite the Bible. Its almost like people are testing me on my Christian-ness by using verses in a conversation. So uncomfortable!

Ps. I'm pretty sure we had decided this last week, but I think we share the same brain. Weird? Yes.

The Marshmans said...

My dad has the effect on people doesn't he! :) There is a side to accountability that is so amazing and freeing, when you find the right person to be it with. Think of it like, "Iron sharpening iron." I too feel a similar insecurity where I am here in KY. I am surrounded by tons of biblically educated men! I find great comfort and security in knowing that God in his faithfulness is raising me up to live this life and more than know the language - to live the life he's called me to in him! So glad you were encouraged and challenged! and jealous you got to partake in my mama's cooking!

Kel said...

I have the total opposite problem. I feel uncomfortable because I make people uncomfortable because I do remember verses and I do speak about God unfailing love. I am so in love with Him. I don't think I'm more Christian than anyone who doesn't do these things. But I do notice it make people feel inadiquate. I love to minister to the hearts of my firends and fmaily. I love to lead bible studies and just lay it on poeple. Here is the thing... The BODY of Christ is made up of many parts. THE HANDS, THE FEED, THE HEAD, THE HEART, THE BLOOD. We all make up different parts of the body and to each is a different gift and ability to relate and glorify GOD. I see God in your life, I see the fruit of His spirit in your family and your own soul. I see God working in Jess's life. You're right its uncomfortable, but do we let something that Satan set in the world (division) break apart the body of Christ? Never! We learn to live with our insecurities and overcome them by stepping out and faithfully believing that HE will surpass all our understanding and make us feel comfort once again in our own FAITHFUL skins. I hope you can make sense of my GOD speak. See what I mean... it just comes and I can't even type fast enough to get it out. So yeah, I feel you and Like I said I have the direct opposite issue. I speak to much CHRIST. Whewwww! That was a lot. We need to do the destination BSF! Lets do it! NIKE!

Anonymous said...

You live a truthful life--by your devotion to God and your family, your actions and the example you set for your children -- you couldn't please God more...
Try not to think of it as being "accountable" to other people--think of it as "contributing" to your church family--- they're all just people too, some are know-it-alls, some are posers, liars, thiefs, etc...and some are truly wonderful giving, caring, fabulous people....They're not better than you, or worse than you~well, maybe the first group I mentioned ;] ....they are just people, like someone you might run into at meet all kinds of people....and you learn different things from them....Ever stop to wonder what effect you might have on someone else? You have one of the sweetest hearts I have ever known--someone at your church might benefit from knowing you, you have lots to offer!! I think your plate is pretty full right now being "accountable" to your family--that makes God happy...the day you become more involved at church will happen when it's meant to happen :D
Love you!